Journey With Julian

I recognized the familiar facial expressions, however subtle, as the lady approached.  Her face  was covered with befuddlement accompanied by a small measure of disapproval. Julian, unaware of her at first, was blissfully engrossed with the items in his hands.  A toy zebra and a large gift bag covered with Disney characters, a very large bag! We had just visited a toy store, as promised to Julian for doing so well recently, where his face lit up at the sight of the bag.

Julian and I were waiting outside another retail store, Martina and Jared were inside, enjoying the soothing spring afternoon weather. I was seated on a bench, he stood just in front of me. By the time the aforementioned woman was upon us Julian greeted her with a hello and that heart melting  ear to ear smile that I’ve come to love so much. He then proudly held up the bag and began to explain which character came from which Disney animated movie.

At this point the transformation was complete in the woman, who’d paused her shopping day for a brief chat with Julian. She was now beaming and listening intently.  From the earlier distance all she saw was a, physically typical and attractive, seventeen year old boy holding, and transfixed by, a toy animal and a small child’s gift bag. To her initial gaze, I imagine, the scene appeared “off”, hence the noticeable immediate facial reaction.

It only took a matter of seconds for her to recognize the genuine joy that those items brought Julian and the alacrity with which he was willing to share information about Disney and animals. As their brief visit ended she told Julian that her favorite Disney animated film was Snow White. He then told her, that one fell under the category of “Classics”, whereas his favorite, “The Lion King” is under the heading of “Renaissance”. Who knew?! Julian did. As she walked away she paused, turned and with complete sincerity said, “Julian, it was REALLY nice to meet you.”

 That encounter underscores something Martina and I have come to terms with as Julian’s parents.  Allowing him to have the things that bring him comfort and joy whenever he wants them, no matter the circumstance or setting. There was a time, as he moved into his teenage years, that we restricted where and when he could carry toys and other items we deemed age inappropriate. We did not want people “giving him those looks” or making fun of him in public.  Frankly, there were moments when it could be a little embarrassing. 

Well, we were wrong. These things, toy animals and all things Disney, make Julian happy. They represent the center of his universe, not ours, “his”. Given all that he has dealt with in his seventeen years he deserves the measure of comfort these items bring him.

The day we got the bag Jared opted to remain in the car, listening to his iPod, while we went into the toy store. Upon our return an excited Julian showed Jared the bag. Jared’s response? “What’s in it?”  It was empty. Julian’s unbridled glee was in simply having the bag with some of his most cherished characters featured on the outside.  Realizing this, Jared smiled at his brother and said “That’s cool Julian.”  That’s all the validation Julian needed to hear. He then became lost in a delightful world all his own making.

Julian now carries that bag everywhere, even at home. It’s as if he thinks it has some magical powers to make him feel better, maybe it does. When he’s eating dinner, the bag is placed on the floor near him. When we have family movie time, the bag is there. When we’re going out, the bag is in one hand and a toy animal or Disney figure in the other. 

So when we’re out and people give us “those looks” we simply respond with smiles.  It rarely takes long, after seeing Julian, for them to “get it”.  Truth is, it really wouldn’t matter if they did or not. To paraphrase Jared, if it’s cool with Julian it’s cool with us.

That’s how we roll.