Julian and I were seated at the kitchen counter eating lunch and discussing Disney animated characters, actually he was giving me a tutorial on the different villans featured in those movies. It is his considered opinion that Scar (The Lion King) and Frollo (The Hunchback of Norte Dame) are far and away the most diabolical. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he posed the question. “Dad, will I have a girlfriend?” Okay, I didn’t see that one coming.
It shouldn’t have surprised me, after all he is a seventeen year old boy. By nature, most are consumed with thoughts of the fairer, and at that age far smarter, sex. Though I’ve long since had “the talk” with him, and periodically inquire about his interest in girls, it just isn’t something that comes up much. I spend a lot of time with my two sons and we talk a lot. Jared, who’s fifteen, constantly peppers me with queries about, among other things, girls. Though Julian doesn’t offer much on this topic, I now realize he’s absorbing everything.
Girls do notice him. Recently, during a visit to a shopping mall, we were in a clothing store that’s frequented by teenagers. Martina wanted to pick up a few things for the boys. I assumed my normal position in these scenarios. Muted support, nodding approval when Martina signaled and pretending to understand Jared’s “curious” fashion choices. While Julian was educating me on the Set animal(Egyptian mythology) and happily going on about its mysteries, a few racks over a young lady was staring at him, he had no clue.
She worked her way over to the rack nearest us and a made a point of smiling and saying hello, giving Julian one of those very friendly looks. He smiled and waved, as he does with everyone, and quickly returned to Egyptian mythology. I found the irony both touching and humorous. Despite standing right next to him she still would have to travel quite a distance to reach Julian’s world.
I don’t think she ever noticed the animal figure clutched in his hand. She just saw a cute boy. After she walked away I asked him if he realized she was flirting with him. Of course I knew the answer. Persons with autism rarely are able to pick up on social language and cues. He just thought she was being polite.
So when he presented me with the question about his future with girls you can understand my surprise. However, this did open the door for dialogue.
“Would you like to have one?”
“Maybe, some day.”
“What kind of girl would she be?”
“Someone who likes my interests?”
In a very deliberate manner he used his fingers to denote each one.
“Disney, animals, cryptozoology, animated movies and R&B music.”
“I’m sure when the time is right you’ll meet her.”
“Okay, thanks Dad.”
At that moment I didn’t know whether to cry or smile. I want so much for Julian to experience the full breadth of life and, if possible, to know the kind of love his mom and I share. It will take a very special person to connect with him, it will not be easy. Not impossible, just not easy. The good thing is that we have plenty of time to help him navigate that course. Remember, he’s just seventeen and in no hurry. And he does already know love, of family. He fully realizes Martina, Jared and I value him and would do anything for him.
Martina and I have now begun planning for ways to place him in safe social settings where he can interact with girls of his age and understanding. His favorite musical artists are, in no certain order; Alicia Keyes, The Temptations, Jill Scott, Al Green and Earth, Wind & Fire. Whomever the young lady is(that will be interested in Julian) she must be open to his love of music, animals, animated films and Disney.
Because, as EW&F might put it, that’s the way of Julian’s world.
Cruella is my favorite Disney villain (as I identify with aspects of her personality, although I would never kill animals and am actually a vegetarian who doesn’t wear fur), and I’m not sure who the most evil are, but Scar and Frollo are right up there. I’d say Shan Yu is up there, too, burning entire villages just because he could.
And mysteries of ancient civilizations are fascinating in my book.
Hello. My husband and I were both once clueless teenagers, married later than our peers, and both diagnosed on the autism spectrum presenting very differently from each other. There is someone for everyone who looks, irregardless of challenges.
That’s my baby!
Aunt DeVetta