Recently our family attended a celebration/send off for the son of two of our dearest friends. The young man was headed off to college. Family and close friends gathered for an evening of dining, dancing and joy. Julian and our friend’s son are in the same age range, so for us this was a very real reminder of Julian’s autism and the very different trek we are embarked upon with him.
While everyone congratulated the young man and participated in the joy of the occasion I watched Julian to gage his reaction to this event. Julian will enter eleventh grade this fall while the evening’s honoree is headed to a prestigious university on an academic scholarship. Julian has known the college bound lad his entire life. There is a picture of the two of them, as toddlers, enjoying juice boxes and a turn on a swing, posted on our friend’s refrigerator.
I just didn’t want Julian to feel he was not doing well in comparison to our friends’ son. When they saw each other Julian gave him a handshake and a hug while congratulating him. May I be allowed a sidebar here? To see Julian continue to evolved like this and interact with people, considering where he was just twelve months ago is so heartwarming.
Following their exchange I “checked in” with Julian.
“What do you think of this buddy?”
“It’s nice.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“Uh…no sir. Well, how am I doing Dad?”
“Great and we’re so proud of you!”
“Thanks, Dad!”
Julian was good. He just needed to know that, in our judgement, he was doing well. He did not dwell on this. Shortly after our discussion he was off to find materials to draw with, remember he finds such comfort and pleasure in drawing his animals and Disney characters.
As the evening wore on there was music and dancing inside while Julian settled at a table on the terrace of the restaurant with his pen and papers. A large glass window allowed me to stand at the bar talking with friends while keeping an eye on Julian who was just a few feet away on the other side of the glass.
Throughout the evening a number of the pre adolescents, hopped up on cake, were running around the restaurant and chasing each other out on the terrace. They incurred the benign wrath of one of our friend’s father who constantly warned them that they’d better slow down ”or else”. He and I were chatting at one point, later in the night, when I noticed his gaze had become fixed on a point behind me. With my back to the glass wall I couldn’t share his view of the terrace.
“That’s amazing.” He said with an approving smile. I turned and saw Julian, seated at a table drawing while surrounded by all those kids. Some were standing just behind him watching every stroke of his pen while a couple of others had paper and pen of their own and were copying what they saw him doing. They were peppering him with questions about the animals he was drawing and he was giving them a tutorial on the animal kingdom.
“No one else in here could get those kids to settle down.”
“That’s Julian.” I replied.
“You’ve got a special boy there. He’s going to do something in this world.”
“Yes sir, I know. ”
That night as we celebrated the accomplishments of another young man Julian, in his own quiet way, reminded us that there is more than one way to measure success.
Boy, he keeps doing that! Teaching me about life.
